first date

Can't wait till Sunday!

2006-03-08T14:22:00.000-06:00

Because that is the day I leave for Europe!!!!!!! Rome, Pompeii, Paris, here I come... I've got to remember to bring my camera!! And not lose it on the airplane! Yeah. I'm going to take billions of pictures and it's going to be freaking freaking freaking great. I'm going to dye my hair tonight. Red. So i can be Magenta at Nina's Rocky Horror birthday party! :)
I'm going to have a good Spring Break.

some quotes from peters's class.

2006-01-25T15:26:00.000-06:00

i've been putting quotes on stickies on my computer- from her and from random thoughts. some are funny, some are not.

Some Quotes...

"It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all..."

"I wish I knew how to quit you..."

Pinch, poke, you owe me a Coke.

Sleepy
Stressed
Creative
Passionate
Random
Hyper
Musician
Artist

I'm in love with Jake Gyllenhaal!!!

"Junk-up"

Dithering around

Thanks, Mrs. P.

my iPod died.

2005-11-03T18:59:00.000-06:00

it doesn't want to work. that's all that matters. so I'm takin' it back, con mi WARRANTY. damn. :(

The Frankenstein Shoes Are Back!

2005-10-24T15:44:00.000-05:00

Just in time for Halloween, too.

My iPod is doing pretty okay, except for now it's all scratched up. Sad face forever. But it's got more songs now, almost a thousand.. so I think it's not feeling neglected because I put stuff on it like every week.. but it still needs things like-
Coldplay's first two albums
The White Stripes (any)
Nirvana
Gravy Train!!!!
The song "That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore" by The Smiths
Morrissey's "You Are the Quarry"
Selmasongs: Music from the Motion Picture Dancer in the Dark-Björk
More of The Aislers' Set
Bob Marley
Jimi Hendrix
OutKast
Nas- God's Son

And lots of other stuff that I can't remember. But yeah.

not really missing her anymore...

2005-10-05T16:35:00.000-05:00

'cause she got back a billion years ago. and she let me use a pen tablet with the computer today and i was working on photoshop with it and it was hella badass. I'm pretty in love with my iPod at this moment...

missing peg

2005-09-14T16:23:00.000-05:00

so- ms peters has been out of my life for a few days now... and i'm starting to worry. supposedly she hurt her leg... she hasn't been at school and hasn't been leaving us any work.. so i'm freaking out. not really. but i hope she's not dying, you know? or, like, gone for the rest of the year. sad face until she gets back. :(

choose deselect

2005-09-08T15:22:00.000-05:00

in peters's class. We're not allowed to use the internet. shows how much subs can control me!! i'm trying to get more into collage, assemblage, and found object artwork.. i need to work on that more. jounaling is what i really need to work on. study habits are bad. reading habits have declined.. writing habits are almost nonexistant. i don't want senioritis! i've had it for the past two years! but i suppose you can't always change your ways if they're deeply rooted in you. goodness.

dancer in the dark

2005-08-08T17:44:00.000-05:00

working. sucks.

uh, congrats???

2005-05-31T13:36:00.000-05:00

Congratulations all you graduating seniors. And that's all I gotta say about that. Go be awesome.

Also, I think I'll be able to do sound for "26 Mirror" for Say Si! Yay! Too bad I can't work on "La Tristeza Del Mar". I would be so badass. I should do some sit-ups today. I forgot to do them earlier cause I was watching this video biography of Bob Marley. Good stuff. More like, GREAT stuff. Man, a lot of the time, you can't understand anything that he's saying! Well, maybe I'm just stupid. He made me want to smoke some "herb". But I'm not gonna.

I could go for a bean and cheese taco.

.....You know?

2005-05-20T17:55:00.000-05:00

You know, blogs are so great because you can get your thoughts out almost as fast as you think them. When you write in a journal, although one of my favorite things to do, it is a slower process than blogging because you don't have the letters right in front of you, you just have a pen. And for me, I have so many thoughts at one time that it's hard to get all of them down in writing without neglecting one or two of them. I love thoughts. It's good to have them. Haha.

I'm going to see Cinderella at school in about an hour.

...I gotta go.

Her eyelids were fallin' pretty fast...

2005-05-19T08:59:00.000-05:00

I'm so unbelievably sleepy at this moment. And frustrated.

I want to...

2005-05-19T08:38:00.000-05:00

go HOME. not have so many absences. not have to make up my absences. be able to check out books. have the time to read books. have the time to do anything. be funny. go out. have fun at parties. be a mariachi. look hispanic. have the energy to exercise. do what i want in life. not feel pressured to be at school, or do anything that is considered "important" or "successful" or "respectable" by the typical cliche American working class demographic. get more sleep.

I want to be able to think again.

bailar y bibliotecas

2005-05-18T20:14:00.000-05:00

So, I'm here at Westfall Library and my mom made me bring a zapper- sort of like a tazer- with me because I'm going to walk home. She wanted me to protect myself. Well, guess what I end up doing?? Well, the thing's in my purse and the purse is on my lap..I put a little pressure on my purse to move it and I feel this really fucking weird thing in my leg going up to my brain like some sort of, oh I guess you could call it...ELECTRICAL CURRENT. Oh my God I thought I was having some sort of a seizure...like some sort of horrible brain damage was happening and my body didn't know how to react. I just twitched real quick, though. And it lasted about a second but it was the weirdest sensation ever. I'm never carrying this thing around again.

My body turns and yearns for a sleep that won't ever come.

2005-05-15T12:25:00.000-05:00

My kingdom for a kiss upon the shoulder...

I don't know what to think these days. What with fights among friends, hurried apologies, and people acting very strangely. Confusion about what to do this summer, or what to do with the rest of our lives. I just want everyone to be content, but I know that no matter how hard I try I know there will always be something in the way. I only have good intentions. I understand that life is not easy and you have to go through shit before you can really get what you want. I don't want to make a mistake with my life. And I want the same for all the people I care about- I don't want them to make mistakes that could decide their whole life, is all. I don't want to be working at Starbucks for ten years, and I'm sure none of my friends do, either.
I want to go to school and find a big studio awaiting me, with paints among paints, piles of canvases, and a gigantic easel. I want to walk into the dark room and hang my photographs on strings to dry. I want to spend my nights onstage, the best thirty minutes of my life--playing and singing for friends and fellow musicians, letting out all my frustrations there and giving them to the wind. I want to travel...Italy shows all her beauty to my journal as we tour the country. I want to wake up in my bed with fields of white fluffy covers and look at the window, white-yellow light shining in as I stand up, stretch out my arms, turn on my record player and make myself a cup of tea. I'll be reading a book as my love comes into the room, kisses my neck and starts making breakfast.

Captain's Log

2005-05-13T09:17:00.000-05:00

Hmm...
How is life necessarily perfect if you have a lot of money? Is it the comfort of having the big-screen TV, the lush sofas, the plush carpets and marble kitchen countertops? You house always clean, living is comfortable...
But what if they way you are making the money is not the way you want to work...?
Golly says if you love work...you love life. Harrison Withers is one of those people who loves both. He lives for his cats, but his work...is for the birds.
--"Birdland!"
I just think it's a bit strange that the American way is pretty much searching for that job that will get you a lot of money. A large house. Two SUVs. A giant screen television. Do we really live just to come home and watch TV?? I don't know.. I'm a teenager..so maybe I have no idea what I'm talking about.

cat-inspired glasses

2005-05-13T08:44:00.000-05:00

I can't remember how long it's been since I've been to the public library. I still have an eighteen dollar fine. Maybe I'll pay it when I turn eighteen.
Carly
Are you taking me to Italy?
Are you going to marry me?
Oh, Carly...
Yeah...so I'm going to Italy on Spring Break. Well, and France. Many fundraisers and two thousand dollars later. Actually, about four thousand dollars since Nina's coming with. I'm not paying for her trip...but I'm probably going to help her--if I have a job and money. I don't think I'm ever going to get an iPod at this rate.
I'm completely exhausted..I don't think I've ever been this tired in my life. Thank goodness for the summer...hopefully I'll get some rest--if I don't party too much. More like, if I don't WORK too much. I really want to be in Say Si and do the movie..but I don't know if I can... I've gotta work.
Today is Friday the 13th and my stomch hurts. Who knows what to think about that?? I used some shoelaces that were too short for my shoes...so I had to lace them pretty weirdly. And I was in a hurry.
Since about fourth grade I've been wanting to be a spy. I was -and still am- obsessed with the movie Harriet the Spy. It makes me want to write. Write about every move every person makes and analyze it thoroughly. That movie makes me...happy, and inspired.
Justin's hair is really soft. I just noticed that he holds his hair sort of...unconsciously. Well, not unconsciously, but...you know what I mean. It's sort of endearing.
Dong-DIIIINNNGGGGGG!
I am absolutely in love with MUSE. I can't stop listening to them.
And Coach Z. I love Coach Z.

Mother's Day, Anyone?

2005-05-08T16:25:00.000-05:00

I dreamt of warm kisses in the dim bedroom, kisses on an arm, wrist, palm. The source needs not be mentioned; he doesn't matter now. I need someone, though. Being alone is unbearable at times.

Should She Do It??

2005-05-01T19:11:00.000-05:00

So...I think I've decided to skip out on those crutches... They're so totally uncool. On Monday, I limp to school!!

vlogging = not for me

2005-04-25T18:07:00.000-05:00

so, turns out I suck at videoblogging. for one, it's embarrassing. and for another thing, I'm really bad at it. I'm not good with visual concepts when it comes to video. How can I fix that??? Ah, practice, I suppose. Mine sucks at the momento. Especially since it's my first one. Ever. Aagh! Exclamations. Lameness? Definitely.

recovery state

2005-04-18T18:57:00.000-05:00

i've been out of school for five days now. and i do realize that, hey, i hate school, right? but i miss all my friends and stuff. it just gets soooo boooorrriiing at home by myself all the time, and it sucks because i have to have someone else there to do everything for me cause i can't walk on my foot. and i have to elevate it, so i'm never comfortable. i'm getting really far behind on my vlogging. i have no way to do it...my computer sucks, and i have no camera. so here i am, floating away into oblivion. i'm frustrated with the fact that although i have all the time in the world, i can't get anything done. my foot is fine really, it doesn't hurt unless i put too much pressure on it. but it kinda caused my birthday to not live up to its potential. plus, my family gave me money and then took it back. those indian givers. is that politically incorrect? I DON'T CARE. i'm too bored. someone visit me!!!!

2005-04-11T17:31:00.000-05:00

boys

2005-03-29T20:52:00.000-06:00

have officially achieved ultimate lameness.

totally rockin' SAytown!

2005-03-16T13:03:00.000-06:00

So here I am, back in San Antonio, back from New York City. It was freezing as hell. Hopefully soon I'll have a link to a shared video blog of me and Sara's amazing adventures in NYC.

put me together again...

2005-03-07T16:48:00.000-06:00

So I haven't been here for a while. I bet you missed me. I bet you totally didn't. I actually forgot about this blog for a while. I bet it would be more interesting with some video on it. My hands are cold today. Weird day, if I do say so myself. First, raining really hard in the morning, then sunny and beautiful in the afternoon. I really need to work on my webpage at school. Isn't it strange how the internet has kinda caused people to be antisocial in a sense? You may have the most interesting person in the world sitting inches away from you but instead you're surfing the internet, myspacing, blogging, or looking at some other stupid crap. Shoplifters of the world, unite, and throw your computer out your window!

take me apart tonight...

2005-02-15T08:41:00.000-06:00

I'm a total loser. I missed Verdi's videoblogging workshop and I really wanted to make one. Yeah. I freakin forgot to go. So if anyone can teach me...I'd appreciate it?? Well, anyway, I'm feeling a bit..crappy I guess is the only word to decribe how I'm feeling. There ya go.

oh, how I'd love you to break me

2005-02-09T13:25:00.000-06:00

so today I'm not in school. sorry. hopefully I'll be able to go to Say Si. All day I've been sneezing and coughing and blowing my nose and sore throat, etc. my nose and eyes itch. My mom had what little cable we had cut off. we couldn't afford it. And also, just for the record, I would like to send a big "FUCK YOU" to whoever invented pop-ups and who keep sending them to me. I've been disconnected like four times today.

i forgot what i was gonna say...

2005-01-30T15:36:00.000-06:00

teachers

2005-01-28T09:09:00.000-06:00

have ultimately achieved ultimate rudeness and jerkiosity. Well, anyway, they're jerks. Maybe we should invade their homes. or, yeah. i dunnnnnnnnnno. beans and nonsense!

i DO mind!

2005-01-27T09:07:00.000-06:00

we plan to take over the earth starting with your house. We will:
feed your dog chocolate
put viruses in your computer
flood your house with jell-o
THEN:
become president of the United States of America
feed George Bush cat food and dryer lint
choke and gag John Ashcroft and tell him never to try and sing again
shave Condoleeza Rice's head and give her dental work, cuz DAMN.

more protocol after we have accomplished these things.

my life is officially over.

2005-01-26T11:09:00.000-06:00

That's it. I will never have a gorgeous boy to myself. not even a cute one. That sounds so superficial, I know, but... I guess I'm just being stupid and sad. anyway. There was a full moon last night. It was big and orange and it looked as if it was about to burst into thousands of bubbles. The moon is my one true love. I watch it up in my tree, a sunflower in the purple winter sky.

I'm gonna feel this way till I'm...

2005-01-18T20:37:00.000-06:00

six feet underground
crazy as it sounds
i need you around!

man, i love the Smokin' Popes

2005-01-17T23:44:00.000-06:00

Okay, I know you guys have seen this before, but I am reminding myself to print out this story. It is a pretty lovely vignette, though, so it probably wouldn't hurt if you read it again.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

rain, rain!
Today is a rainy day. It feels really good as long as I have an umbrella. Today I really just want to walk around town in the rain with nobody but my backpack and umbrella-my best friends today. It rained all night, but not hard, just steadily. That’s what makes it one of those good rainy days- it’s not raining too hard, which usually happens in San Antonio. I want to stroll around in neighborhoods and watch people through their windows, cooking, eating, watching television, watching the rain. There are cats in windows looking out at birds and water, old ladies on rocking chairs, and people looking at the clouds wishing for love. Teenagers reading books and writing in journals, making music in their garage, painting, their own little world. Those people are me. They are the whole world, they are what I am and wish to be, will be. Names and arms, hair, shoes, clothing. Love, from friends and family- fresh fruit and cheese, Greek salad and hummus. A creative genius in the collective souls, hopes, dreams, and music.

new template, new beginnings.

2005-01-17T23:28:00.000-06:00

Okay, not really. And the template is actually kinda throwing me off. But you can't keep something the same just because it is comfortable and routine. Change is good. Be uncomfortable! It is all for your own good.
I found my journal, if you care. It was at the VIA lost and found. I love it! I was reading the Sabrina Ward Harrison book Brave on the Rocks: If You Don't Go, You Don't See, and I really like it, even if she is a bit whiny. It's really visually pleasing, and it inspired me to do better journaling. Only I seem to be having an artist's block. So my journal kinda sucks. I wish it didn't. I will make it better!! I will improve! I will be inspired! I am not a sheep!

i would lose my head if it weren't screwed on!

2005-01-11T19:30:00.000-06:00

Why is it that I lose everything that I possibly can? Is it just my special ability?? I think it is. Because it is really frustrating me. Aagh! My new beautiful notebook is lost!! And I left it on the damn bus. Ok. I think I'm going to go over to Julie's house and see if she found it. Because she was sitting by me.

where are the stones?

2005-01-09T17:34:00.000-06:00

watching the fifth element on tbs. lilu is the greatest!

New Year's Eve is ON!

2004-12-31T15:56:00.000-06:00

Just got off the phone with Nina. She still sounds raspy, but at least she has a voice. Jess is adding keyboards to the song. I think I'd rather have it without, but just being able to perform is hella good enough.

state of the union

2004-12-30T17:04:00.000-06:00

New Years eve is uncertain. Today I called Nina to find out that she has lost her voice. Just lost it- she could barely speak when i called her. So no practice today, but hopefully practice tomorrow morning and HOPEFULLY show on NYE. Damn this sucks.
List of Things I Wanted To Do But Never Got To:
1.) Go see Morrissey in Austin
2.) Go to Los Angeles with Girls in a Coma

Hopefully this occasion will not end up on this list. Will keep you updated. Please cross your fingers for me, because i'm getting sick and tired of irony.

this is all i've been thinking about for a while and i know i'm repeating myself, but...

2004-12-28T22:17:00.000-06:00

i want to get this out of my head and promote...myself..not to sound..conceited, just--i want everyone to go!!!
ok. details of the New Years Eve show!
Where: the Sanctuary, 1818 N. Main (@ Dewey)
Cover: $7 adults, $10 minors, doors open at 8pm
Who's playing:
9pm- Scary Manilow
10pm- Hearts Fail
11pm- Desdemona
12am- Girls in a Coma (featuring yours truly as guest second guitarist and backing vocalist) , champaigne toast

the day after christmas

2004-12-26T22:29:00.000-06:00

and my hands are not used to the keyboard. They are kind of lost---i am having trouble finding keys. They're also sore from the knitting that i've been doing. And it will be a warm and wonderful scarf- black with two gray stripes at each end. Sheer beauty!
I am playing with Girls in a Coma on New Year's Eve at the Sanctuary. We will probably be going on at around midnight after the count down. Go! Yay!

laying in wait

2004-12-12T22:12:00.000-06:00

for the winter hols. five more days of school, and four days of final exams. history projects due. not looking forward to it. Simply.
I got a ring on friday from someone. don't know what to think of it. an apology or a question? I will wear it and absorb its energy, until i am well rested. It will take until next year.

here it is.

2004-12-07T10:46:00.000-06:00

The day is Tuesday, and I feel something suspicious lingering in the air. As I exit my house shutting the door quietly, I notice my breath condensing in the clear atmosphere. I have to put on a knit scarf and gloves. As I make my way to the bus stop I notice something. It is the first day of the rest of my life.

two in a row? so sad.

2004-12-06T22:50:00.000-06:00

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fourth Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Moderate
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Moderate
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

...

2004-12-03T10:50:00.000-06:00

I don't like that last post. Because I do have all that crap! Ugh. OK, bye.

What's in YOUR wallet?

2004-11-29T09:15:00.000-06:00

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Moderate
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Very High
Antisocial:	Moderate
Borderline:	Moderate
Histrionic:	Low
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	Moderate
Dependent:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

rain, rain!

2004-11-17T09:05:00.000-06:00

Today is a rainy day. It feels really good as long as I have an umbrella. Today I really just want to walk around town in the rain with nobody but my backpack and umbrella-my best friends today. It rained all night, but not hard, just steadily. That’s what makes it one of those good rainy days- it’s not raining too hard, which usually happens in San Antonio.
I want to stroll around in neighborhoods and watch people through their windows, cooking, eating, watching television, watching the rain. There are cats in windows looking out at birds and water, old ladies on rocking chairs, and people looking at the clouds wishing for love. Teenagers reading books and writing in journals, making music in their garage, painting, their own little world. Those people are me. They are the whole world, they are what I am and wish to be, will be. Names and arms, hair, shoes, clothing. Love, from friends and family- fresh fruit and cheese, Greek salad and hummus. A creative genius in the collective souls, hopes, dreams, and music.

so..today

2004-11-11T17:34:00.000-06:00

i went to the field trip for school- garcia glass blowing, and the Julie Speed exhibit at Blue Star. It was really cool and I didn't have to goback to school- i just stayed here at Say Si. I saw the julie speed paintings on first friday but seeing them again was really cool. I want one!! Yeah, right. A painting of hers goes for about 30,000 dollars!! They are so awesome, though.

journal entries from the past...while

2004-11-11T17:27:00.000-06:00

October 26, 2004

So, I went to go see theSTART last night even though it was a Monday night. It was a really great show. Whenever they come into town, they put on the best show. I got signatures from all of them on my Initiation CD that I bought, and also got a t-shirt. Even though I was sick, I screamed my lungs out and just had a blast. In fact, I think going to that show actually made me feel better. When I got home, my sinuses were clear and my throat didn’t hurt. It’s like that now, too. My head feels clear. Jenn told me not to study too hard, so I’m not going to stress out about anything today, even though I have things that I haven’t done that were already due. I don’t care, at least for now. I just want to get my rest, and be healthy for the Morrissey concert on Friday. I’m going to see Morrissey!! God! I still don’t believe it, and I think I will be in total shock when I see him. I’m going to cry that day, so much! Ha ha. Jenn said she’s gonna make sandwiches for that day and we can eat them when we’re waiting in line—all day. I don’t care- at least I won’t be in school. I hope my mom actually lets me go because, as always, at the last minute she is being unsure and like, expects me to sell my ticket or something. Fat chance. She’s crazy.

It’s so weird-since last night after the show, I didn’t have a GIAC or theSTART song in my head, but a Cure song. Charlotte Sometimes. And it’s in my head again today. I really love that song! Me and Nina were dancing and we were pretty much the only ones dancing, but they were playing the Smiths and the Cure and Yeah Yeah Yeahs. It was fun. We’re dorks.

October 28, 2004

Today it’s Thursday and we’re leaving tonight to go to Austin. We’re spending the night at this girl Andrea’s house, who is a friend of Andrea and Jenn and Phanie. I’m dressed as Marilyn Monroe today, wearing black Capri pants, fishnets and flats, and a white sleeveless boat neck shirt. I put my hair in these little twisty things on top of my head and kept them in all night and took them out this morning and now my hair is all curly!! You don’t know how much it hurts to be pretty. Because it really does. I think I’ll just go dressed like this- well, take a shower before going to Nina’s, but wear this same thing and look all cute!

October 29, 2004

So, today really sucks. No Morrissey. No Austin. Morrissey cancelled—he lost his voice supposedly. I’m going to die. I’m really depressed. God.

November 1, 2004

Yesterday was Halloween and I went to a vegan pot-luck at Ernesto’s house. They had good food. Ernesto’s band played and they were so freaking good. I can’t wait to see them at shows!
On Saturday the 30th, Antonio had his little shindig at his house and it was fun. Yeah. Umm, anyway, we played Twister and video games and watched movies and ate pizza and played truth or dare. Kinda dorky, but fun. Anyway, gotta get to working. On what, I don’t know. Latazzz.

November 2, 2004

Boys are mean. They like to hurt girls. I don’t know why.
Maybe I’m not meant to find someone here in San Antonio. I don’t feel like I’m meant to be here anyway. I want to get out of here, out of this town, start a different and better life. I want to meet someone who will understand me, and right now I don’t even understand myself. So I guess I won’t have anyone for a while. I really want to go to LA with the girls (in a coma) because they’re going for Thanksgiving and they’re going to have Thanksgiving with theSTART! That’s really cool. Aimee Echo is going to make tofurkey for dinner. We would be staying at Aimee’s house! Wow!
I gotta go.

November 4th, 2004

So, boys are trouble. And I have that song in my head. Cool! I mean, I guess. Here goes.

Hey!
We got something to say!
Boys are trouble!
Boys are trouble!
Boys are trouble!
Boys are trouble!
Hey!
Nina’s got something to say!
(I forgot her verse)
Hey!
Carly’s got something to say!
I hate the boys
Because they take my toys
And cause they’re cute
I just can’t give them the boot
They grab my ass
Right in the middle of class
And all he says is, “I love you baby”

Hey!
We’ve got something to say!

Well, I kinda forgot everything else.

November 5th 2004

Yeah, that’s a dorky song. But it’s mine! And I don’t care!
Anyway, today is first Friday and I have to stay at Say Si. Kinda sucks. I want to walk around and go to Jive and stuff but I guess I won’t. I guess it will be ok because I’m going to be performing. I really just want to go to First Friday and sit on the sidewalk and play guitar and sing and hopefully people would give me money. That would be fun. Plus, I really need money. Maybe I’ll do it in December. But who knows what’s going on for the December first Friday. I dunno.

November 10, 2004

So, here’s my life. I am at school, and I have no idea what to do. Well, except write in this journal. About nothing. Anyway, I really really hope I can go to L.A. for Thanksgiving. I need to stop talking about it!!
So we’re making books at Say Sí for the December First Friday and I hope to take a boy there and show him what I do. I really can’t wait to work on my project. I don’t know what I am supposed to be doing in this class, and I actually do kind of want to do my work, but I also…really… don’t. Ha. Later.

crazy weekends and vegan pot-lucks.

2004-11-03T22:15:00.000-06:00

I just thought this would be a funny but quick story. Monica's heard it. She laughed. hehe.
So, on Halloween I went to this vegan pot-luck, and there was this guy that went with us (me, nina, jenn, phanie- aka girls in a coma- well, except for me) and he is like really in...lust with nina. He's really creepy, and the girls pretty much only hang out with him because he always brings alcohol. Ugh. Anyway, so we we're at this VEGAN pot-luck and i notice something. He(we'll call him Gabe) is wearing this pirate-crusader type costume. Complete with feathered hat and sword. Well, not feathered sword, but you get my point. Anyway, so I'm sorta lookin' at his costume and I notice this one strange thing about it...
IT IS ALL LEATHER.
Like leather freaking pants and vest. Completely. And he's not a small dude. I was so disgusted. And, of course, Jenn was dressed as a cow while Phanie had a "meat is murder" shirt on and was holding a pickett sign that reads "Don't Eat My Friends". How freaking ironic is that?
So that's all I wanted to say.
And that Morrissey was cancelled. Yes, very shitty.
I want to be in love. Somebody find it for me!!

Stop me of you think you've heard this one before.

2004-10-28T18:56:00.000-05:00

So, today I'm going to Austin, so I don't really have much time to talk. We're leaving at around 8pm, and I actually think the ride there will be fun. Or, at least, I'll be able to sleep. Although maybe I won't because of all the excitement. Well, anywho. I love everything! Even school.

the hum of the computer graces my ears once again...

2004-10-17T20:14:00.000-05:00

So...one day my computer just turned off right when I was trying to use it. Just turned right off. How rude! I was right in the middle of a conversation with Lor. It was off for four days! What the hell is that?
Thursday was a really great day. >sigh< That's all I have to say.
Goodbye, my loves!
Go watch Romeo and Juliet, for it is a great movie and I can't watch it because my VCR doesn't work without the remote and I can't find it! Aah! bye.

update...i guess

2004-10-13T00:21:00.000-05:00

fuck adware.

Nina's coming back soon-like on Thursday. Yay! I cant wait to see her- my best friend.
On Friday me and Sara and I don't know who else are going to start shooting the movie downtown. Yay again! I cant wait. Who knows if we're prepared. But I don't care! We're going to meet at Say Si at noon and then go from there. It will just be the scenes with girls in them.
Saturday is Chris's Bday party. He doesn't even know where it's gonna be. that's ok i guess. I don't know what to get him for his BD but maybe on Friday when we're downtown I'll find something cool for him. Hopefully at his party we'll be able to do some filming too, cause there's a party scene in the screenplay I think. I'm supposed to be on the brink of drunk, but I think I'll be able to put juice or something in my cup. And we should do the party filming before everyone gets drunk. Ugh.
Gotta go, loves. "Good-night. God knows when we shall meet again."

ha

2004-10-10T15:50:00.000-05:00

now eating a pb&j on toast. so much better than a stale old pop-tart. but not worth 2.69.

jeez, louise!

2004-10-10T15:41:00.000-05:00

okay, i just went to the corner store to get pop-tarts. i must be really stupid. i got home and they were all stale and really gross! I looked at the date on the box and it said october 7 -- 2003!!! WTF! i wish i could get my money back. i spent 2.50 on that shit! out of my own pocket! aaagh!! So gross.

once again, ideas

2004-10-10T13:36:00.000-05:00

everyone give me three ideas of pictures you want to see posted to this blog. It'll be fun! hopefully I'll be able to borrow a digital cam and do some shit. Maybe also for my art blog, too. cool. and thank you, monica!

the squalor of the mind...

2004-10-10T13:33:00.000-05:00

I'm tired of all these stupid sad posts. It's a very nice day, and I hope to enjoy it!! Hopefully my homework won't get too much in the way. Argh. It's sunny outside!

so many morrissey songs mean so much to me...

2004-10-10T02:35:00.000-05:00

LET ME KISS YOU

there's a place in the sun
for anyone who has the will to chase one
and i think i've found mine
yes, i do believe i've found mine / so
close your eyes
and think of someone
you physically admire
and let me kiss you
let me kiss you

I've zig-zagged all over America
and i cannot find a safety haven
say would you let me cry
on your shoulder
i've heard that you'll try anything twice
close your eyes
and think of someone you physically admire
and let me kiss you
let me kiss you
but then you open your eyes
and you see someone
that you physically despise
but my heart is open
my heart is open to you

I HAVE FORGIVEN JESUS

i was a good kid
i wouldn't do you no harm
i was a nice kid
with a nice paper-round
forgive me any pain
i may have brung to you
with God's help i know
i'll always be near to you
but jesus hurt me
for all the desire
he placed in me there's nothing i can do
about desire

I was a good kid
through the hail and snow i'd go
just to moon you
i carried my heart in my hand
do you understand?
do you understand?
jesus hurted
when he deserted me, but
i have forgiven jesus
for all the love
he placed in me
when there's no-one i can turn to with this love
monday-humiliation
tuesday-suffocation
wednesday-condescension
thursday-is just pathetic
by friday-life has killed me
by friday-life has killed me

why did you give me
so much desire?
when there is nowhere i can go
to offload this desire
why did you give me
so much love
in a loveless world
when there is no one i can turn to
to unlock all this love
why did you stick me in
self-deprecating bones and skin
jesus - do you hate me?
why did you stick me in
self-deprecating bones and skin
do you hate me? do you hate me?
do you hate me? do you hate me?

why do you think I let you get away with the things you say to me?

2004-10-10T01:33:00.000-05:00

Could it be I like you?
It's so shameful of me / I like you

Gil, Fern and Christina came over and we had fun, but now I'm sad. Towards the time that they left, we started talking about love. And people we liked, and I realized that I probably will be like Morrissey--always alone, whether I'm with someone or not. I was saying that you don't have to have broken up with someone to have a broken heart. Being alone is so heartbreaking...it hurts my chest. I guess it breaks my heart because it makes me think nobody wants me or could imagine themself with me, and it hurts me, like I'm someone who cannot be desired. As my friends left I felt really sad. I guess I get that from time to time--I start thinking about things and it really gets to me and I end up thinking I'll be alone forever. I mean, it IS better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. All these people I look at, who I imagine myself with-they just think of me as some other girl, not any love or person that you can have an emotional connection with. Even this person that I am sort of talking to, unofficially, probably just thinks of me as another girl in a series of girls that will never end throughout his life until he finally gives in and is forced to marry one just so he can split the rent and have somewhere to live, with a person that regularly gives them sex. It just disgusts me how numb this world can be. I have so much desire and so much love in my heart and my body that I feel like I'm going to explode at any second, and maybe then the world will recieve my love and realize that they need to forget their petty and frivolous lives and live a life full of love and desire for every living creature, art, music, the spirit world, people, and get over their egotistic thoughts, trying to play God with science, and just get back to the basic living of life. With love. All we need is love, and I don't want to be alone with my heart.

i just LOVE getting high...

2004-10-09T18:07:00.000-05:00

since i love getting high so much, i decided to bleach my hair AGAIN. i thought i was going to pass out. my head was really starting to hurt. but now i have pretty blonde hair, and i kinda feel like Gwen Stefani, only i have black tips. i like wearing red lipstick with my platinum hair. well, almost platinum. i feel like a different person.
i'm at say si and they just got some new-old TVs and are trying them out. i think they're for the exhibit for the November first friday. i'm not saying anything else. i'm really hungry, but i forgot to bring food. aagh! and i don't know what to do cause pablo's being weird and won't come over to the media arts studio where he belongs. he's subbing for claudio and victoria who are at portfolio day, where i should be. that's ok, though, I'll go next year. anyway, i have to learn the music for first friday, but he's all-- over there. darnit!

a person inside yourself

2004-10-08T22:40:00.000-05:00

She thrusts herself outside of her house, tears burning her eyes and throat. Her chunky black shoes knock against the strip of sky pavement, every step interrupting her thought. She soaks in the neighborhood--neighbors dragging in their green recycling bins, children playing and laughing, trumpets coming from the mariachis down the street. She gets angry at the salt on her face and rubs at it violently, each tear stinging more than the last. She is lost.
She feels trapped inside her house, a place where she no longer feels at home. She may walk her neighborhood a hundred times over but she doesn't know it anymore. She is searching for love. She lays down on the grass of strange houses, feeling what it is like on the greener side. She longs for it. She will walk past each house and look into other people's happy or tragic lives. She runs her fingers along red and blue cars, flowerbeds, and the whitewashed sides of homes. She stands outside each house and flees from each one that lights up when she passes by. Her eyes that used to be clear and blue with a bright yellow sunburst in the center are now tainted with dust and fog, a blue-gray, grown weary from such a lengthy love journey. She longs to be gone, away from everything and everyone she once loved and find something new that will wrap its arms around her, keeping her safe and content. She hopes for color, bright reds and yellows, but is sick of the giant disgusting flowers she used to paint on a happy, unsuspecting day. Love eludes her, for every time she feels she may have a grasp on it, it bends its bones and slips out of her bruised hands. "Will anyone think of me as a love?" she asks herself, and closes her eyes.

sea of love...

2004-10-08T11:18:00.000-05:00

come with me
my love
to the sea
the sea of love

i want to tell you
how much
i love you

...i forgot the rest of the words.
but it's a really pretty song.
if anyone knows the rest of the words please post a comment.

hoo, gettin' a little woozy over here...

2004-10-08T00:10:00.000-05:00

Wow, I'm not sure I'm supposed to have a headache right now. I'm waiting for the bleach in my hair to take effect. Yeah, I said it! Bleach! So hopefully it won't look like crap, because I didn't put bleach in the black part cause I dont want ugly orange in my hair. I think after I have the platinum there and obvious, I'll be able to cut off some black parts. I think I'm gonna pass out. Whoo!

bad at goodbyes

2004-10-06T22:20:00.000-05:00

God, why do I put myself through this? Nobody's leaving forever, and yet here I am with salt on my face. I spent the last year becoming an emotionless person so that maybe I could forget having to go through such shit again. I push my sadness down into the deepest pit of an empty heart and hope it will only be forgotten dust in a corner. I don't want it to be a last goodbye, and I know it isn't so why do I act like it is? It is just so hard for me. For someone to tell you to be good and that they'll be back and that they love you is just something that I seem I can never trust, because it was never really proven to me. It hurts so much.

oh, god. is this me?

2004-10-06T21:27:00.000-05:00

my television just told me that I needed a real relationship. I do.

ideas

2004-10-06T19:09:00.000-05:00

everyone give me three ideas of pictures you want to see posted to this blog. It'll be fun! hopefully I'll be able to borrow a digital cam and do some shit. Maybe also for my art blog, too. cool.

estoy triste...

2004-10-06T19:06:00.000-05:00

I'm saying I'm sad because Nina and the girls are leaving to go record their EP. I feel so selfish. They're going to do something good for themselves, and only leaving for a week. But they have a show tonight at the Sanctuary and my mother was being mean and won't let me go. I really want to because it's their last night in town. I just hate not being able to say goodbye, is all. I think I have separation anxiety, because of my father. Every time he visited, I was never sure when I would be able to see him again. He would visit every year, but then it became every two years, and the last time I saw him it was almost three years before. Three years before he died. So the last time I saw him was about four years ago. When he left, I was unsure of when I would see him again. I never did. The reason I have this self-diagnosed separation anxiety is because I am so afraid of never seeing this person again that I end up making it a much bigger deal than it is and I get very upset. That's why I always want to make sure I say a goodbye to them and make sure I tell them I love them. I didn't do that today. I just said that I'd try to go to the show. And, of course, with my mom as my mom, I cannot. I have shown her that she can trust me, but of course I have also shown her that she can't trust me. But tonight she can. Maybe I should sneak out of the house. I've never done that before. I also think I never will. It's sad that I have to resort to stupid low thoughts, or even sometimes when I'm sad thinking of self-mutilation. Nothing like cutting myself, but like...biting myself. That's weird, but sometimes it gives me this weird release, and only leaves a bruise that most people don't notice. But I do, and sometimes it feels good. I don't usually do that over a certain person or thing, but I do it if i am frustrated with things. But I have to be really frustrated.
Anyway, the Spanish title is because in the van to Say Si we (me and Claudio) were speaking in Spanish and I was saying I was sad because my friend was leaving. I dont know why but it just really makes me feel selfish.
A bunch of people are getting here and I don't know if I should get off of the computer. I feel like I should be doing some sort of work, but the work I need to do is really messy and I'm wearing clean clothes. Damnit.

one in the bag

2004-10-04T19:20:00.000-05:00

I think the only way I will be able to publish my blog posts is if I do it at Say Si on the big cool eMacs. I guess that's ok, because then I can use these great igloo looking things. But I hope I can do it on my computer and won't have to republish the whole blog every single time I want to post something. Arrr. Uhh..am I a pirate or what??

fuck!

2004-10-04T09:00:00.000-05:00

Fuck MySpace! Goddamnit! It fucked up my computer, and now I have these stupid pop-ups all over the place, and it is very fucking inconvenient! I can't even post a comment on my own fucking blog. I don't even know if this will show up on the internet because every time I try to do something the stupid "this page cannot be displayed" shit comes up. AAAAGGGGHHHH!!! I feel like murdering something. And I don't usually say shit like that but my computer is being a fucking asshole. God damnit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i do have friends!

2004-10-03T21:48:00.000-05:00

I went out last night to see the girls play at the Communion. Well, Sanctuary. And I didn't get to go to the dance room because they wouldn't let minors in there for some strange reason. But that's okay. Henry did a stage dive and hit his head on the concrete really hard. I hope he's okay. It seems people have 9 lives along with cats. I've seen too many things happen.
So last night Nina was in a weird mood, and didn't want me to spend the night. :( I don't know what was up with her. So since I didn't really feel like going home, I went to Jenn and Phanie's house and it was fun. I realized that they are my friends, too, and I don't have to be hanging out with Nina to hang out with them. Not that I'm not Nina's friend, just that I am close friends with them, too. Nina says everything happens for a reason. Like maybe because she was in a bad mood, I got to bond with them. Which was fun and nice.

hmm...

2004-09-29T00:15:00.000-05:00

I know I'm supposed to be doing my history homework, and washing the dishes...but I want to do something else. Like what? I have no idea. I had fun today at Say Si, although I didn't get much done. Well, I kinda did...
And I wrote this story. It's really short and pretty much goes nowhere. Here it goes... and please post with ideas because I don't know what to do with it. :P

As Carly waits, she turns to the bulletin board in the hall. There, she mindlessly writes a poem, with those small words on magnets that she loves but never really pays attention to. She grabs the word "want" and thinks for a second before placing the rest of the sentence. Now it reads, "want faithful tongue and luscious summer beauty." She searches, her eyes darting back and forth to the words on paper glued to strips of magnet. "Where's the 'I' ?" she asks herself, frustrated. She is listening to Bjork, her tortured voice gently singing, "I love him, I love him, I love him, I love him." A car honks outside.

...although I am not done with my homework..

2004-09-26T22:35:00.000-05:00

I am in love with the world. When my mommy got home, she said, "so...." and I was wondering what she was talking about...and she dragged it out like one of those reality shows...kind of like what I'm doing right now... And she handed me an envelope. With a Morrissey ticket inside! Yay! Of course, it was bought with my own money. But either way, I'm so freaking happy! So I'm going with Nina and the girls. And my life is complete.
I also got to see Garden State today after all, but I went by myself. Sad, but true. I liked it, though. Being with myself was fun and well-needed.

HELP!!

2004-09-26T15:08:00.000-05:00

I'm at home and my mom says I can't go ANYWHERE until I finish my homework. What she doesn't get is that I have no clue how to actually DO the homework, and the book is really not helping me. What do I do? I wanted to see Garden State today. So I really really need help, and if anyone is looking at my blog then please post a comment or email me, because I am completely and utterly lost.

look at me-i'm sandra dee!

2004-09-24T21:27:00.000-05:00

Today we went on the DC field trip andit sort of sucked. I mean, it wasn't really worth it to be at school at 6:45 for(sentence structure...?). Anyway, on the way there we watched Armageddon, and on the way back we watched Grease, up to "Hopelessly Devoted to You". I guess I never realized that it is the cheesiest movie ever. Also, when we were leaving Austin to go to San Marcos, me and Sara tried to get on the bus that had all our friends, but they made us get off and go to the other bus. Too bad. Josh and Claire didn't go on the other bus like we planned! Jerks. But that's ok. I was really carsick, too. The dumb bus driver sucked. I remember passing this vintage store in Austin called Blue Velvet on Guadalupe near MLK. It's some sort of vintage place. I want to go there!

all is well in the world

2004-09-20T20:15:00.000-05:00

I'm at the Central Library and it feels good to write in my blog, after reading some fiction. I love fiction. But I can't check out any books because I have a fine of $18.45 on my library card. I have never had a fine so high!! I'm like the person who never has delinquencies on her card. But it's all because of 4 CDs that I had overdue for like 2 1/2 weeks. Yeah...I guess I'll have to just read friends' books until I pay the fine. That's horrid.
But I don't need to talk about horrid things, because the world is really a nice place...If you're mostly hanging out in libraries, art studios and gardens. Those are some of my favorite places, and I really like being at home, but sometimes I get too attatched, and end up a bum at home. It's nice to be away, especially because my room is really messy. I like going to the Southwest school of Art and Craft, but I'm only taking ceramics classes, and I'd really like to take some sort of a painting or photography class. A figure drawing class would be nice, also. I'm going to my throwing class now. Until next time (probably tomorrow),
Carly G. :)

clever title

2004-09-20T11:18:00.000-05:00

Ms. Sarratt moved me all the way across the room from Monica on Friday. I was really sad. She was like my favorite teacher but now she's really mean. she said I wasn't allowed to sit there anymore, because I talked too much. It seems like lately teachers refuse to be your friend. She seems like she really doesn't like school, and like she hates it when it's loud, and is really passive-agressive. She makes me want to cry. Seriously. I hope Monica's not mad at me, cause John talked to her on friday and said that she kind of was.

Mozheads

2004-09-19T13:05:00.000-05:00

I am so happy. I went out on Friday with my friends to the Echidnas' last show. It was fun, but this is even better. The girls started talking about how they were going to go see Morrissey in Austin in October. And they invited me...and I'm going. Yay! I'm going to cry. I was even talking to a guy who had seen Morrissey and he said that he cried when he saw him. So I won't feel stupid. If we get him to sign anything for us, we're going to get tattoos of it. His signature, I mean.

sleep deprivation

2004-09-15T08:48:00.000-05:00

It seems like every night i get less and less sleep. Like I'll go to bed at 10 one night, then the next night I'll go to bed at 11. The next night will be midnight, and last night it was one. I'm not planning on going to bed at two tonight, though. Because hopefully I won't have that much homework. I went to the library with John and Monica yesterday and we spent three freaking hours there and barely got anything done. But i did get two books and a CD. Yay! I'm in technology class right now and I'm actually supposed to be looking at the school webpage, but it's kinda boring. Gotta go.
Wee!

I knew it..

2004-09-13T22:55:00.000-05:00

Of course. I knew my feeling of okay-ness wouldn't last. I guess I just feel bombarded with all this homework and the chemistry problems I don't understand. I guess I just need to actually read the book and try to pay attention in class..no matter how much I think I should be doing other, more important things. That's where I end up thinking I have ADD..Because I may be doing something, but I get distracted and thinking that I should be doing something else, so I end up trying to do both things at the same time and end up having nothing done. Does that make any sense? It seems to happen to me every single day. I can't avoid it, or keep my mind on one thing for any period of time. Well, except for things like this blog and art projects and things like that (of course, doing this blog takes up time that is supposed to be used for homework). Those types of things I can do for hours on end. But math and solving things that don't make any sense to me in the first place? Not five minutes and I am back to where I started.
Other than school trouble, I feel my life is pretty normal and balanced, and I know that once summer comes I'll be ok. Mind you, summer is in 9 months. But I didn't have much of a summer this year because I was too busy working at Askew and becoming a slave to Colleen's sadistic scheme. She wanted me to sign away my soul, and I just couldn't do it. So after July 25, I never showed up again. Of course, that only left two weeks out of that whole summer for me to have time to myself. One of those weeks being spent in the lovely city of Seattle with one of my paternal aunts, of which I have two.
I forgot to leave the number to Say Si with my mom, so she ended up not getting me an appointment for an interview and I ended up waiting until they were closed to decide to call them. So I must make an appointment tomorrow during school. I hope I can be in it, because I really want to have a place to go afterschool.
Oh! I completely forgot until now! Incubus is playing tonight. Here. In San Antonio. A one-time event and I decided to miss it. Aagh! They are probably playing as we speak. I'm going to cry.

it's that darn homework.

2004-09-12T22:00:00.000-05:00

Right now I feel pretty good, like I don't really have much to worry about. Like maybe everything will just fall into place soon if I just let it. But I know this feeling won't stay, especially after I go to school tomorrow. I still have homework to do, and I sort of feel like it's overwhelming me. This weekend a friend read my cards, my tarot cards that is, and pretty much what she said was what was happening. She said that I felt a lot of things were coming at me at the same time, causing me to be overwhelmed. And also that everything is in place except for one thing, and that I just need to let that one thing go. What that thing is, though, i'm not sure. I suppose it could be death. I am constantly afraid of it. It is always chewing away at my brain, my mind, and it won't seem to go away. Well, I guess that was obvious. I feel a bit new now, sort of blank and refreshed. Like if I didn't have homework I would be totally cool with my life.

well, here it is.

2004-09-08T18:32:00.000-05:00

I wish I had the enthusiasm of that history girl from the Old Navy commercial. I freaking hate school. I have no motivation at all. I wish there were some way just to make me de-stress and concentrate, I mean, that's all I really want. I just want to be able to concentrate in school and get good grades and not be stressed about my life and other peoples' death. I'm sick of it. I am so sick of it. I suppose I brought it upon myself, I mean, I'm talking all pre-AP and AP classes. There's gotta be some time between where I can be tired. Right?

shit...

2004-09-06T20:20:00.001-05:00

Yesterday and today were the weirdest days. A friend of mine from school passed away and I found out yesterday after seeing the movie. I was so happy one second, because I had seen Garden State, and so sad after I got the message. It was so unreal. It is so unreal. I still think about it and I cannot believe it. I just went to the viewing today and I really freaked out, but you couldn't tell from looking at me. God..tomorrow they're going to have the burial and everything. I don't really want to go, but I also don't want to go to school. I gotta go.

Maybe bass

2004-09-05T18:21:00.000-05:00

Going to see Garden State today for the second time. I never go see movies in the theater more than once. My mom is forcing me to go to the pool with her and I dont want to go. I just kinda want to stay home and listen to the radiohead live CD I borrowed from Nina. It's freaking great music, man. I wish I was in Radiohead. I'd play keyboard or guitar. Maybe bass.
"Yesterday I woke up sucking a lemon..."

fire drill

2004-09-01T10:59:00.000-05:00

we just had a fire drill, and when I came back into the building I heard teachers barking at children to go to 3rd period. So now I'm in 3rd period at Justin's laptop. When we were outside for the drill I saw my best friend with this guy and it kinda got me sad. ugh.

ugh..school..

2004-08-30T22:52:00.000-05:00

Lately it seems that no matter how early I go to bed, I always wake up late. So I end up having about 10 minutes to get ready for school before I have to go out and catch the bus. It's about 8:45p.m. and if I can make it to bed by 9:30 I'll be very happy. It's funny how when I get home, if my mom isn't at home she'll leave a little list of stuff for me to do before she gets home. Check it out.
Carly--
-put away towels on futon before I get home
-eat dinner
-HW before I get home
-clean up after yourself (dishes)
-take out trash
Usually I think it's annoying, but today it's okay. Maybe that's because I ate a salad for lunch and now I'm feeling good about myself. I mean, that's about the only semi-decent vegetarian thing you can get at school, because everything else has lots of meat and grease on it or it's just a bunch of carbs. My friend Autumn and I were looking in the teacher's lunch room and the food that the lunch ladies put out for them was like super good stuff like avocados and freaking fruit salads and stuff. I mean the teachers really gotta have their energy, right? Like we don't? So, the short and short of it is, teachers get good food and the kids get crap. As it should be.

hey!

2004-08-30T20:42:00.000-05:00

where'd all the spots go??

Gotta love that Zach Braff

2004-08-29T13:55:00.000-05:00

I went to go see Garden State yesterday and it is one of the best movies I've seen recently. It made me cry. I'm really glad that this indie film is recieving so much attention, because it seemed like it was a lot of hard work, as every film is. As a writing and directing debut, I give it major props. One thing that I think really made the film was the soundtrack. Music is everything, and if it's not right then the whole movie is off. I really recommend this movie to anyone and everyone, and I think everyone should go get the soundtrack, which has stuff on it such as Frou Frou, Postal Service, and the Shins. Check it out!! <3

good or bad day for love??

2004-08-27T20:30:00.000-05:00

Here's an entry from my actual journal, which I haven't written in for a while. I want everyone to see this, because I think it's relevant in everyone's life. Or at least, one..or two people's lives.
"Monica's writing in her blog and she's talking about love. I say love is crap, but maybe I just don't know how to explain it. Maybe that's just because I haven't obtained it yet. Monica said she was at Say Si and everyone was having this big conversation about love, and everyone eventually ended up depressed and crying. I guess it could have been a whole group energy thing, but I really think that if you don't have love, then how are you supposed to know what it is? Love is hard to explain, but if you haven't actually experienced it, you don't know what it is, and you can never explain it unless you experience it first. It's just like with everything else. Also, just because you do something that people in love do, such as kiss or have sex, doesn't mean you're in love with that person. Like if a man does it with a prostitute, that doesn't make him in love with her. So how can you get love so you can have it and experience it? It seems so hard to obtain. I guess it needs to be more meaningful than just walking around holding hands and kissing someone. You need to actually have a connection. You can't just pick someone out of a crowd and say, 'I think I'm gonna love you.' It's like a giant, worldwide riddle that nobody can figure out. Even people who've been married for years can't find the solution. So what is it? What will it be? What can it be, and how can we get it?"
Is it a bad thing that it hurts when I see people together? I'll be walking through the halls at school, and I will seem to be the only one there without another person. Everyone needs someone. I just can't seem to find mine.